Entry tags:

fanfic, huge table, mckay/sheppard, pg-13, stargate atlantis

SGA: 64. Chair. (PG-13)
Prompt: 64. Chair.
Author: ca_pierson
Title: Fusion
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
Pairing: Sheppard/McKay
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 3.934
Warnings: None.
Disclaimer: Stargate Atlantis does not belong to me, neither do any of the characters in this story. I do own the plot, however.
Beta: darkmoore
Author’s Notes: This was the probably hardest story I’ve ever written. Mostly because I didn’t quite manage to get the emotional tone right on the first try and had to edit it a lot to get there. Thanks, darkmoore, for being the hard taskmaster that you are. Otherwise this story would have fallen short of the level it is at right now.

Summary: As always, it's left to the Atlantis expedition to mop up after the Ancients.

Fusion

Dimly John heard shouting. Someone was calling his name, again and again. He wished they’d stop. It was too loud, what with all the whispering going on inside of his skull.

The city was all around him, talking to him, beguiling him. Atlantis was there, outside and inside of his mind. He could feel the softness of the electrical current running over his skin, through him. Caressing him like a lover.

You’re mine, the city said to him.

He agreed with her wholeheartedly, Yes, I’m yours.

Ooo00O00ooO

Rodney felt like he was caught in a nightmare that had come true, one he couldn't wake up from. His heart was racing as he stood there, watching the control chair, unable to look away from it even for a moment. John was sitting there, being more and more wired into the systems of Atlantis. And all Rodney could do was watch helplessly, heroically trying not to cry while he did so. His fingernails were leaving bloody marks on his palms, but he couldn't force himself to open his fists. Couldn't force himself to look away. Couldn't even think about anything else.

He had only meant to check on John for a few minutes, only until his eyes stopped burning from the strain of staring at a monitor for hours on end. But now he couldn't look away from the terror unfolding before him anymore. His gaze followed the cables that were slowly creeping over John's body, looked at the crystals growing out of John’s skin. And he felt like crying. This can't be happening, it simply can't, he thought, fiercely, stubbornly. They were on Atlantis, not on some random planet, on a mission. John had just sat down on the control chair for a moment because Rodney had wanted to test something with the energy flow and he had been there. A simple test, nothing dangerous about it at all. Nothing dangerous at all.

Until John had said, "Wait, I think I found something interesting. Let me activate it." That was when it all had gone to hell and beyond.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid," Rodney hissed, not sure who he meant, himself or John. John knew how dangerous things were, how the Ancients just couldn't be trusted to lock away anything potentially harmful. But no, John had had to go and activate the stupid sub-routine. Raging against the unfairness of it all Rodney had to force himself to cite Pi until he had calmed down enough to be able to think clearly again.

They had already tried to cut him free, but the nanites doing the slow connecting of human and machine had reacted violently to the interference. Rodney had told Elizabeth, that it was a bad idea, but she had overruled him on the issue. Of course they were all worried about John, and apparently worry lowered the IQ of some people. They had managed to cut only one cable, nevertheless. But from the nanite’s reaction one thing had been quite clear: Atlantis didn’t want to give up John again.

But Rodney didn't want to give up John, either. Never. He’d never give up on him. If Rodney had to fight, he would. John belonged to Rodney and if John had been into tattoos, he'd have put "property of Rodney McKay" on his backside long ago. Rodney wasn't about to let the damn city take his partner from him just like that, not without fighting back. And he'd win. Damn it. He was a genius. The smartest man in the Pegasus galaxy. He wouldn't allow it.

“We were wrong,” Radek muttered, forcing Rodney's thoughts out of his vengeful ruminations. “Atlantis AI does exist." There was excitement mixed with the worry. They had theorized for years now, that the Ancients might have been working on artificial intelligence. There had been no trace of it in the database, no trace in the programming and both Rodney and Zelenka hadn't believed they'd ever find anything. Mainly because they figured there was nothing to find. Well, they had been wrong, and it rankled. And yet, if there had been no-one dying in that chair at the moment, Rodney would have been excited and interested as well.

Frowning, Rodney refused to turn away from the sight in front of him like all the others did. “Yes, yes, tell me something I don’t already know.” Rodney felt like he was breaking apart slowly as his eyes were riveted on John’s motionless body on the chair. John would have looked peaceful if it hadn’t been for the metal encroaching onto his skin. It was all wrong. This was John who was being wired right in front of him. John, who should be standing behind him, asking stupid questions, forcing him to put a number on the time remaining until they had a solution. His John. Suddenly he couldn’t bear to see John like this anymore. Turning his entire body towards Radek until the only thing left in Rodney’s line of sight were John’s feet he continued shakily, “The really important question is: How do we get him off the chair?"

With a sympathetic pat on Rodney’s shoulder Radek shook his head. “I do not know, Rodney. Hopefully we will find way."

Rodney snorted at that, annoyed that he had even asked the question in the first place. Radek was nearly as brilliant as Rodney was, but both of them had been unable to come up with any bright ideas up to now. The Ancients hadn’t found a solution to their little self-made problem either, and they had programmed the damn thing. How were Radek and he supposed to figure it out in the thirty hour time frame they had left? Thirty hours until the process was going to be irreversible, until John was so completely wired into the chair that he was literally being made part of the city. His mind trapped in the computer until that finally passed away as well. Rodney really didn't want to know all that, didn't want to know what was going to happen to John if they couldn't find a way to get him out and the sub-routine shut down. Before John’s heart stopped beating. Before John was nothing more than a ghost in a machine.

There were thousands of lines of code to shift through. Thousands. To just delete the sub-routine would kill John. To change random variables would kill John. To cut him out of the chair had nearly killed the people attempting it. Nothing Rodney had come up with so far could get John out of the control chair alive.

“Not all of the Ancients who tested it died,” Radek continued trying to reassure him in a gentle voice, “some survived. The documentation says so.” Not even Radek sounded convinced that it was any better than dying in this case.

Having heard enough Rodney shrugged Radek’s hand off angrily. Survived? Survived? “No, not all of them died, but you know what? If you call that “surviving” I’m not sure death isn’t actually the better part of the deal.” Rodney hated this, hated himself for rather wanting John to die than be handicapped for the rest of his life. Even though he knew it’d be what John would prefer if he had a choice. Hated even thinking about the possibilities. “John will be dead, either way. You know how some of the Ancients got out of the chair, you read the records. Blind, quadriplegic, deaf, brain damaged, and the list goes on and on. Do you think he'd want to live like that?” Rodney asked, his voice breaking as he fought the tears that kept threatening to come. He knew John would rather be dead than being kept alive by machines, his mind forever lost. Knew John would rather pass away in the chair than be unable to fly, ever again. He felt weak all of a sudden, thinking of the callousness the Ancients treated life with. "The notes Elizabeth translated are pretty specific on that, it killed a dozen Ancients before they considered it a failure. A dozen dead and twenty more handicapped," his voice broke on the last word. Dead or handicapped. That's what was going to happen to John. Dead or - he stopped this line of thought before panic could seep into his terror. John needed him now, needed him to stay calm and collected, to think of a solution.

Rodney couldn't understand why the Ancients had not simply deleted the sub-routine instead of deactivating it. But then, the amount of gadgets they had stumbled over that had nearly killed them because they simply didn't work the way it was supposed to was mind-boggling anyway. Things left lying around in labs that weren't even labelled as dangerous - Rodney just couldn't understand it.

He sighed deeply and rubbed his burning eyes with both hands. It didn't help to think about that either. But if he ever met an Ancient face to face again he'd definitely give them a piece of his mind on their safety procedures.

"Back to work, Radek," Rodney said, his voice tired. There was nothing else they could do but scan the program line by line. Hoping to find something. Anything. He walked back to the wobbly table they had set up as an impromptu workplace. Hastily cobbled together work-benches and chairs. There was only one interface they could use to work on the programming, and Rodney wouldn't have left the room while John was still like this. He couldn't. Elizabeth had only looked at him for a moment after he had outright refused to leave the chair room even for the amount of time needed to gather all the necessary tools. She had instead ordered Lorne to set them up properly, so they could work in the chair room. Lorne, who was now standing in a corner, unable to leave John while he was like that, just like Rodney had been. Lorne, who plied Rodney with food and coffee while Rodney worked feverishly on a solution. Lorne, who never even looked at the control chair unless it couldn't be helped.

Rodney dropped onto the chair he had claimed - the one closest to John - and after one last gaze into John's direction he forced himself to look at the screen of his laptop again. Somewhere in the programming there had to be a loophole to get John out. There just had to be. Rodney didn't want to lose John. He liked John. Loved him. They were going to have their anniversary tomorrow. John wasn't allowed to die, they had plans. And John had promised that they were going to break the record for relationships in both of their pasts. He simply had to live.

Caught in his pain and fear, Rodney barely noticed the time pass. The only thing he could think of was how John would suddenly stop breathing. How he would die without ever talking to Rodney again. How he would be part of the Atlantis systems for a few months before even that bit of him would finally fade away completely.

"Rodney?"

He jumped as Elizabeth's voice cut through the haze of his thoughts. "What is it?" he asked impatiently. Rodney wasn’t being purposefully rude, but the terror lingered in his mind.


“Rodney, it’s too late,” she said in that oh so compassionate voice of hers. “He just entered the last stage and Carson said his heartbeat is getting slower. There’s nothing we can do for him now. ”

Pushing away from the table he got up and turned to look at John. “And now you want me to do what? Just give up on him?” Elizabeth didn’t answer and Rodney turned to her very slowly, knowing he wouldn’t like anything she had to say right now. But she just looked at him with her sad eyes. It was irritating. Annoying. “Are you insane?” he asked irritably. That Elizabeth would think that way was unbelievable. “He's still alive! We can't just let him die. I won't just give him up, Elizabeth, I can’t,” he said, angry that she would even think him capable of that. But all she did was continue to look at him sadly for a moment, and then she simply nodded and left. She could keep her compassion, her sadness. He didn't want any of that. He wanted John. Wanted him to wake up. Wanted him to tease, to – Rodney just wanted John to be back.

There was so very little left to see of John, most of him covered in metal by now, with crystals embedded in his skin and cables running to the chair. Rodney shuddered at the sight.

Everybody in the room had stilled during Rodney’s conversation with Elizabeth and now they all looked at him with a range of worried expressions. “We’re not giving up on him as long as he's still alive,” Rodney announced angrily and turned back towards work.

The text scrolling down in front of him blurred now or then, but Rodney just squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed away the tears that were threatening to spill. There was no time to cry. No time to lose. John was dying in the chair behind him.

“Rodney,” Carson’s voice penetrated Rodney’s cocoon of careful concentration. “Rodney-” Carson said again, when Rodney finally looked up, like he was unable to say anything else. There were tears in his eyes. “I- I'm so sorry, Rodney."

Feeling like he had just been punched Rodney stared at Carson. "Are you giving up on him as well now? Did Elizabeth tell you to? What on Earth is wrong with all of you? We never leave a man behind. Never! We're on Atlantis! We're not just letting him die," Rodney screamed, jumping off his chair in the process, his gestures angry. "I'm not going to allow you to give him up, do you hear, Carson? I won't allow it!" He hated the sympathetic expression on Carson's face, hated the way his eyes showed the same hurt Rodney felt. Hated that Carson didn't say anything, just hugged him. Still, he held back the tears. "John isn't dead yet. He's not. Do you hear, Carson? He's not dead yet, I'm not giving up on him."

Carson just held him tighter and Rodney could feel the tears soaking through his shirt. "His vital signs are getting weaker and there's nothing I can do, I'm so sorry," Carson whispered.

Pushing Carson away, Rodney strode towards the control chair and pointed at John, “He’s not dead yet! We can still save him. We will save him”

Wiping at his eyes Carson looked at John as well and Rodney could see the grief on the doctor’s face already.

“Don’t you dare give up on him! He’s not dead yet!” Rodney yelled at him. “Look, he’s not dead yet, he’s not.” John couldn’t die, he couldn’t just leave Rodney alone like this. He had promised, damn it. Had promised Rodney not to die because of something stupid like this. Unable to keep back the tears, Rodney sat down heavily on a box next to the control chair, he reached out, trying to find skin in the chaos of machinery. Needing to be close to John, to touch him, just once before he went back to work. Just once before he saved him. There wasn’t much left, though, and Rodney cried even harder when he found a small piece on John’s left hand and stroked it.

“John,” Rodney sobbed. “You promised not to do anything stupid, remember?” Please don’t die, please don’t die, please, please, he begged John silently, willing him to open his eyes, to say something. “I hate to tell you, but dying is stupid.” His voice broke as he bent his head and cried for John. For what he was about to lose.

Ooo00O00ooO

“I should probably say goodbye to you - but I can't do that. Just come back to me, you stupid moron.”

John would have been able to recognise that voice everywhere. Rodney, he thought, wishing he could reach out and comfort him. Wishing Rodney could be here, could share the amazing experiences John was making. If anyone could appreciate the mass of information Atlantis offered him, it was Rodney. His Rodney.

He cannot hear you.

John ignored the city, concentrating on the control room completely. Rodney was crying. Crying for him and saying goodbye. But I'm not going anywhere, I'll be right here. Why would he be sad? John thought in amazement. It was wonderful, the closer he came to Atlantis, the more he had figured out. He could make Rodney a ZPM, hundreds of them! Could show him how to use the database, where to find the interesting toys. There was no end to what John could do for Rodney and the whole expedition. Happily he sent out a thought and started the machinery, ordering the factory to build Rodney a ZPM. Rodney would be so very pleased. So much energy! So much power!

He is sad because you are becoming one with me, Atlantis answered. They have tried to stop the process, but they cannot. We are one. You are mine. I am yours.

A sliver of doubt formed in John’s mind as he watched Rodney cry over his body. A body covered up so much that he couldn’t be called human anymore. Is that me? he asked with mild curiosity even has he saw Rodney stroke his arm. John could not feel any of that, couldn’t feel Rodney’s fingers on his skin. Memories of Rodney touching him rose up. Of nights spent with Rodney glued to his backside, with his breath a gentle huffing on John’s neck. He longed for it, for that touch. To be able to reach out, to feel the warmth of another human beside him. To feel Rodney move against him when they made love.

Your body will stop to function, your people will see this as death. But you will be here, with me.

What about Rodney, though? That’d mean never touching Rodney again, never kissing him again. Never watching Rodney roll his eyes when John said something more stupid than normal. Rodney would be all alone, then. I – I can’t, John said haltingly to the city. I can’t leave him alone.

You can protect them better when you’re with me, Atlantis answered immediately.

And for once Atlantis didn’t know the right thing to say to soothe his fears. It wasn’t about protecting, it was about being close, about having someone to turn to. Someone to share everything with. What was all the power worth if John couldn’t turn to look at Rodney with a grin and raise his eyebrows at him? What was all the knowledge worth if Rodney wasn’t beside him, glowing proudly as they figured out how something worked? The city’s promises had been so tempting. So very, very tempting. John could feel the power that was already at his disposal, could feel the energy running through the city as if it was the blood in his veins.

You can keep them safe. Isn’t that important to you?

Whispers, that was all Atlantis was. Whispers in his head, nothing real, just a heap of metal and circuits. Just a program. John frowned at that, why had not he realised that earlier? She had been whispering to him all this time, but he had never noticed how bereft of emotion her voice was before. Had never noticed how cold the cage was she was building for him. He moaned with emotional pain at the betrayal. I love him, John answered her,I’d miss him. Looking on to Rodney, as he sat there, mourning him, saying goodbye. He suddenly knew he couldn’t do this, couldn’t give in to this empty temptation, to the power that Atlantis offered him. Salvation for his people had sounded like a good thing at first, but the further they united, the harder it was to feel anything. He was slowly losing his humanity and he hadn't even noticed up to now.

Atlantis kept quiet for a moment and he could almost feel her calculating the situation. That is your wish then? To go back to these little beings? To leave me?

I’ll never leave you. This place is my home, he answered immediately, without having to think about it. But they are my people, they need me. And I need them. You have to let me go.

For a moment John thought Atlantis would not listen to him. But then he felt something tugging at his arms, his face, all over his body, and he could feel himself drifting away more and more from the mechanical presence of the city. No one before has wanted to let go of the power I offer, she said.

No one had a Rodney McKay waiting for him, John said before being pulled away even further from her. It was the last thing could do before their connection thinned and finally broke.

Ooo00O00ooO

“Rodney, something is happening! The process is reversing,” Radek yelled at the same time as the heart monitor started to beep faster again.

Rodney opened his eyes, his hand still tightly locked around John's cold fingers. Crystals and metal was retreating, like magic, faster as they had appeared. In moments, the naniates had undone the damage they had caused previously. The interface melted away until the only thing left was skin and a torn uniform that barely covered John. Cables were still detracting, dissolved into the basic building blocks the nanites used. Stored away wherever they came from in the first place. John’s eyes opened slowly, like he had just woken from a nap, and he was looking at Rodney. Rodney, John’s voice said, coming out of every speaker in the chair room, at once.

He was so relieved, so very relived that John recognised him. “John,” he whispered, afraid that he had finally fallen asleep and was just dreaming. “God, John, you should stop doing these things, or you’ll end up giving me a heart attack,” he continued, his voice gentle.

John just smiled at him, like he always did when Rodney rebuked him after a life-threatening situation. “I love you,” he whispered, his voice rough from whatever Atlantis had done to him. “There is so much I have to tell you, so much knowledge,” John said, his eyes bright with excitement. Then he closed his eyes, his breathing easing.

“He’s asleep,” Carson said before Rodney could ask. “Just asleep.” He sounded as relieved as Rodney felt. “We’ve got to get him to the infirmary, quickly.”

Forcing himself to let go of John’s hand was the hardest thing he’d done in ages, but there was one more thing he had to do before following the medical team and take residence next to John’s bed. He got up from his perch and went back to his wobbly desk. It didn’t take a lot of work to write a program that would delete every little bit of the artificial intelligence that had hurt him so much.

One more mistake the Ancients made. One more of those Rodney had had to correct for them. And now there was one less potentially deadly thing on Atlantis. One less thing that can kill John, Rodney thought, when he was on his way to the infirmary. Carson would keep him there, he knew it, but for once, Rodney didn’t mind. As long as he got the bed next to John, Carson could do everything he wanted to Rodney. Well, almost everything.

The End.