Entry tags:

calling in a debt, fanfic, harry potter, hp/ss

HP: Calling in a Debt 12/16
Disclaimers: Neither the idea of Harry Potter nor the characters belong to me in any way. They are the sole property of JKR. I do not make any money of this story either.

A/N: As always I wish to thank all my betas, without whom I’d be helpless. allzugern, darkmoore, munchkinofdoom on livejournal and Christine Pierson.

I want to specially thanks darkmoore, who had to live through my frustrations with this chapter and did that with grace.

Chapter 12 – Hard Truths

With a relieved sigh Harry put his quill aside and looked over the essay in front of him. It was the last one for the evening and now it was decorated with almost as much red as it was black. He put the parchment on the stack he had looked through in the last two hours and got up, stretching his stiff muscles luxuriously. Correcting essays was his least favourite part of teaching.

There were stacks of books lying about in his study. They covered every surface possible and had been put neatly on the floor when space started to be short on tables and chairs. Harry moved to the night’s reading material, taking the first book out of the crate that patiently sat next to his comfortable armchair, taunting him with its contents.

His eyes moved restlessly over the brown leather cover before he opened it on the first page. Since Severus’ breakdown Harry had become an expert on the Mindguard ritual, studying every book in the library about the topic he could get his hands on. Albus had given him another dozen books and he had daily deliveries of the more obscure tomes available in other libraries.

It was interesting enough, but nothing he had read up to now was in any way helpful in their current situation. Harry was starting to feel increasingly fretful and desperate when no solution presented itself. He started to doubt that he would be able to find something, especially as Albus had already tried and admitted defeat.

The noise of a beak pecking against his window brought him back from his dark musings abruptly. “Hello, Pigwidgeon,” Harry muttered as he opened the window to allow the little owl in. Age had not noticeably quieted the owl, but nowadays it handed over its letters before it started to drive people crazy. Extending its right leg with an air of accomplishment, Pigwidgeon allowed Harry to remove the parchment before it took off to zoom around the room like a demented Snitch.

Dear Harry,

Both Ron and I hope that you are well and having a great time, but we were starting to worry because you’ve been so silent lately. Maybe you’d like to visit us next Sunday?

Love,
Hermione

For a moment Harry just stared at the parchment blankly. He had completely forgotten to write to his friends in the confusion of the last months. “Damn,” he uttered and strode to his desk to write an answer. Dear Hermione, he started, when it suddenly came to him. Hermione. Research. Hermione and research. “How could I be so stupid!” He exclaimed to the empty room. “Why haven’t I thought of this before?”

He hurriedly finished his note to Hermione, asking her to come to Hogwarts with Ron instead. Of course, Severus would hate the idea and oppose Hermione’s involvement into what he would perceive as his private matter vocally.

However, Hermione was far superior at research than Harry – or even Albus Dumbledore. He trusted her ability to find obscure texts none of them had thought of consulting or even heard of before. Naturally he would have to share the idea with Albus and Severus first, but thinking it over again Harry was certain Severus would see the logic in pulling both of them into their research. When he signed the letter with a flourish Harry felt like there was actually some hope left for the first time since this whole mess had started.

After he had shooed the owl out of the window with its new burden he picked up the book again and started reading.

***

The first thing Harry was aware of was the rough surface his cheek was stuck to. It took him a few seconds to realise he had fallen asleep over a book yet again. A quick look at the plain clock over the door told him he was going to be late. The regular morning meetings with Albus and Severus were starting to depress Harry, because there were never any good news.

Another gaze at the clock galvanised Harry into motion. He could not remember when he had fallen asleep, but Harry doubted he had gotten more than just a couple of hours of rest. Lately he never got enough sleep, between classes and research. Everything combined left him feeling drained, but with doing something the terror, which threatened to engulf him had eased a little.

Promising himself a steaming hot shower for the evening Harry washed and dressed in a hurry before he took off to Albus’ office at a dignified pace.

Albus and Severus were already there, both looked tired and there was an edgy quality to Severus’ pacing, a sign that his frayed temper was barely holding. Harry sat on the edge of his usual chair. As in the past two weeks most of the conversation was between Albus and Harry, while Severus paced the room like a caged lion. The man had become very quiet as his condition deepened. Their low conversation had no effect on the jumpy Potions Master of Hogwarts at all, maybe because Severus could still not believe in Poppy’s assessment of his condition. In a way Harry could not fault him, facing what Poppy’s medical opinion meant was not easy.

It had taken a while to talk Severus into a complete physical. Harry, Albus and Poppy had talked at him for nearly a month before he gave in to the inevitable and submitted to the examination. Getting him to allow her to check on him every evening had been easy in comparison.

The steadily worsening chemical imbalance was worrying them the most. Not at the least because Severus’ already temperamental disposition was the first to be effected.

“Have you found anything in the books from Durmstrang yet?” Harry finally asked tentatively, starting with taking stock of their progress, as they usually did. His mind was busy envisioning the worst possible reaction of Severus to what he would propose. Hopefully he would end up pleasantly surprised instead of crucified.

Albus shook his head, “Nothing yet. It will take me a few more days to work through them.” They both looked at Severus, who only stopped for a moment with a thunderous expression on his face and shook his head once, before he continued his pacing.

“Me neither,” Harry confessed, then swallowed and lowered his eyes. “I had an idea. How about we ask Hermione to join the research? She is capable and her work on the different bonds could be useful.” Looking up through his lashes he gauged the reactions his words had created. While Albus just looked startled, Severus was glaring at him with an expression Harry had not seen on his face since he graduated.

“Have you taken leave of your common sense?” Severus snapped. “I won’t allow you to tell any of your little friends, Potter.” With that cutting remark he swept out of the room.

For the duration of a heartbeat both Albus and Harry stayed silent, each lost in their own thoughts. At least Severus had elected to leave without tearing him apart, both literally and figuratively. “Ask Hermione to come. She’s on leave from her department beginning next week and we really do need her help,” Albus finally said, his voice already showing his exhaustions so early in the morning. They were all tired. “I’ll tell Severus when he comes for tea in the afternoon.”

Finally relaxing Harry leaned back in his chair, his head resting on the comfortable material, “I didn’t know she was leaving University. Didn't she just get that research grant for something the Ministry was interested in?” It made Harry sad, that he had to get to know this from Albus instead of Hermione, but he realised that he had not been a very good friend lately.

Albus shook his head, “They allowed her to take off some time before the project starts, the Minister mentioned it in his last missive. The sooner Hermione joins us here, the better. We know we can’t go on like this any longer.”

Reality was, that Harry and Albus were running out of energy and Harry was worried about the deep lines on Albus’ face. At last Harry muttered, “Hermione and Ron are going to visit me next Sunday, but I didn’t mention anything about Severus or the Mindguard spell.”

“Good,” Albus replied gently, then changed the topic slightly, “Poppy said Severus’ condition is getting worse. His temper is surely more volatile than ever and I started to notice rapid mood-swings.”

“I still don’t understand why all this is happening so suddenly. One day Severus is fine, the next he breaks every piece of glass in the castle and faints,” Harry said, then he got up to start pacing the length of Albus’ office before he fell asleep in his chair. “I just...can’t understand.”

Albus watched him for a moment before he finally sighed, “He was shocked and in turmoil. Too much new information too quickly. Then he spent his strength in that outburst of magic. Poppy thinks that led to the decline.”

“It’s been what? A little over 20 years since my ... since James died? That’s plenty of time for a breakdown. Plenty of shocks. I can’t believe it. He was stable, maybe not happy or content, but stable and healthy. And now, all of the sudden, he is supposed to die on us?” Harry kept his voice even, but he knew that Albus was aware of his feelings for Severus.

“I don’t know, Harry, I just don’t know. The only ones present at the ritual were Severus, James and I. Severus can’t remember, I didn’t see anything out of the ordinary and James is dead,” Albus answered brokenly.

***

“Potter!” Severus roared at a rapidly retreating Harry. “How could you go and bandy my condition around like that? I don’t care what you think is best, Potter,” he sneered as he closed in on his ex-husband, his eyes glittering with unreleased fury. “This is none of your business whatsoever,” he said and grabbed fistfuls of Harry’s robes.

“The hell it isn’t,” Harry stated clearly and with force, but made no attempt to dislodge Severus from himself. “I care for you. You’ll always be my business.”

“Now you suddenly care for me? Where was that caring when you forced me to marry you? Or when you sneaked into my bedroom at nights?” Never in his life had he felt so angry. Taking his own fears out on Harry had not been Severus’ intention when he had come looking for him. Once the floodgates had been opened though, he suddenly felt unable to keep anything in. “If you call that ‘care’ then I bloody well can live without it. This is none of your business! You and Albus think you know so well and that you can run poor, little, deathly ill Severus Snape’s life for him. But I have some news for you, Potter.” He slammed Harry against the corridor wall with force, to underline his statement. “This is my life. Not yours’, not Albus’, mine.”

“Severus, let go of me,” Harry said, sounding incredibly tired and for a moment Severus’ anger cooled to feel sorry for him. “If you want to talk about this, then let’s go inside and talk. I’m not up to a major quarrel or flinging hexes at you, Severus, so I’d rather you calm down. And stop trying to intimidate me, it hasn’t worked since 4th grade.”

Speechless for a moment, Severus just stared into Harry’s eyes, amazed by the fire in them. “It’s my life, my decision,” he finally said, the anger drained out of him completely. As if his senses had been flipped on with a switch, Severus felt how close he was to Harry in every pore of his body. As much as he had tried to deny his attraction, Harry’s closeness inflamed him as much in body as it had incited his anger. For a moment Severus felt lost in the smell and the touch.

“We won’t let you throw your life away, Severus. I won’t let you do that,” Harry countered, his voice suddenly full of passion. They stared at each other and just when Severus thought his ex-husband would not say anything else Harry pulled Severus to him, his mouth so close to Severus’ ear now, that he merely had to whisper to make himself heard. “Do you have any idea how this feels for me? Knowing there is nothing to do but watch you die? I didn’t force you to marry me to have some kind of power over you. I bloody well love you, you bastard. And I’ll be damned if I let you die just because you are an arrogant and stubborn git.”

Severus let go of Harry and took a step back in stunned disbelief. They were looking at each other and before he knew it, Severus moved in and kissed Harry passionately, crushing their mouths together. He felt Harry’s hands come up on his back, threading themselves through his hair, kissing him back just as wildly.

Harry’s smell was intoxicating. With a rough bite to Harry’s already bruised lips Severus’ moved to the smooth line of his lover’s neck. He breathed in deeply before he proceeded to lick and bite the tantalising skin. So close and yet not close enough, Severus groaned and pushed a leg between Harry’s thighs.

The way Harry’s hand tightened in his hair was a delicious feeling. Pulling back with all his self-restraint Severus took a hold of Harry’s arm and dragged him down the corridor. The door to his lover’s quarters was closest and Severus impatiently opened the lock with a simple spell. He pushed Harry through the doorway before he locked it behind them. He reached for Harry, who came into his arms willingly, and initiated another forceful kiss.

Severus leaned against the door, overwhelmed by his need for Harry’s scent, his taste and the feel of his skin. His hands naturally settled on Harry’s ass, massaging the supple flesh possessively. “Mine,” he growled, biting Harry’s neck roughly, marking his lover for his on purpose. Gentling his bites he moved down to Harry’s shoulder, irritated when he was stopped by clothes.

Impatiently Severus ripped the shirt open, buttons flying in every direction, all he wanted to do was taste the skin underneath. Harry’s moans of pleasure egged him on, begged Severus to bite and kiss every inch of skin that he revealed. Severus returned to Harry’s neck, starting on the other side and ran his lips along Harry’s yaw-line, brushing the skin.

“Severus ...”

His name moaned in pleasure just before he captured Harry’s lips in a heated kiss, made the blood in his veins run hot. Severus had barely noticed Harry pulling his shirt out of his trousers, but when warm hands ran up and down his bare back he felt his whole body react to the caress with an intensity he had never felt before.

The urge to throw Harry on the floor and fuck him senseless grew stronger, but he reigned in that violent impulse. Gently Severus pushed Harry backwards, never stopping to caress the tender flesh of Harry’s neck with his lips until the couch was in the right position. Shoving Harry backwards forcefully he laughed wickedly at the surprised expression on his lover’s face as he ended up on the couch with Severus on top. “Much more comfortable,” Severus purred before he resumed their kissing. His hands roamed over Harry’s body, tugging at clothes, undoing buttons and tearing fabrics. Severus had abandoned any reservations he had ever had, giving himself up completely to his strong feelings for Harry.

“Bed, Severus,” Harry managed to moan when Severus’ mouth left his to leave a trail of licks and bites down to his collar bone. “God, please, let’s go to bed.”

Reacting to the plea Severus got up, pulling Harry into an upright position with him. He allowed Harry to lead him towards one of the doors and then took over again as he pushed his lover onto the king-sized bed in the centre of the bedroom. “I want you, Harry. I want you on your hands and knees.” He punctuated every word with a kiss to a different place on Harry’s body. “I want to fuck you until you scream my name.” Severus opened the button of Harry’s bulging jeans, slowly pulling the zipper downwards. “Do you want that?” He whispered before he touched the red-headed tip of Harry’s penis with his tongue.

Harry’s back arched. “Yes, please,” he moaned, his hands entwined into the duvet.

“Please what?”

A gasp escaped him as Severus took the tip of his penis into his mouth and let his tongue swirl over it repeatedly, “Fuck me, Severus, fuck me hard.”

Severus held himself back from the red haze of passion, urging Harry to lift his hips as he pulled off Harry's trousers and stood up to undo his own. Harry's eyes were glued to him, watching his every move as he undressed teasingly slow. They were both naked when Severus knelt back on the bed. “Turn around,” Severus prompted, his voice rough with need. Harry was finally kneeling in front of him, his ass tantalisingly close to Severus’ cock. “Lube?” Severus asked, breathless with the longing to pound into his lover, to possess him entirely. When Harry handed him the small bottle he squeezed a generous amount into his cupped left hand.

Easing a finger into the tight opening of his lover, Severus started to prepare Harry, his cock jumping at every gasp and moan he elicited. A second finger joined the first, stretching the tight muscles until Harry writhed beneath him.

"Severus, I need you, please, I need you," Harry begged, holding onto the headboard with both hands, his head thrown back.

The sight nearly drove Severus mad with desire. He withdrew his fingers and breathed deeply before he started pushing himself into the tight ass that was raised temptingly in front of him. Breathing heavily Severus stilled until Harry was ready. As his lover started to to shift his hips in encouragement Severus withdrew slowly and then pushed back inside for the first time. Harry's moans, the tightness of his body, the way he pushed back at him to meet his every thrust, all of it made Severus lose what little control he still had.

The small part of Severus that was still aware of what was going on knew that it would be over way too soon. Severus reached around to take Harry's throbbing erection into his hand, wanting to make Harry come, wanting to hear Harry call out his name in pleasure.

Then, suddenly it all happened very quickly. Harry dropped his head, body tensing and then Severus could feel hot seed covering his hand. Harry collapsed, Severus' name falling like a prayer from his lips. Finally, Severus let go too and with a last hard thrust into the body shuddering beneath him, he followed Harry over the edge.

Severus felt utterly spent as he disengaged himself from Harry and laid down next to him. Saturated and feeling content he threw an arm and a leg over Harry. He buried his head in Harry's neck and listened to the younger man's ragged breathing with a small smile. Drifting off already Harry's muttered cleaning spell barely registered on Severus.

***

He was crying. Crying for what he had to give up. Needed to give up. The white mist around him was like a sea of light, gently lapping at his feet and threatening to overtake him at the same time. He was clinging to James. Their embrace was so close, so calming. The only thing that rooted him to his life. Tears were running down his cheeks now. One of his hands was lying on James’ pregnant belly. Protectively and yet connecting at the same time. Then there was nothing.

Severus sat up with a start. Tears were drying on his cheeks and he felt utterly disorientated. The white light had gone. Where was James? Scrambling up he did not bother to grab anything to wear but looked around wildly. “James?” He asked tentatively. “James!” He grew more frantic when his friend did not answer. They had shared rooms in preparation for the ritual and James should have been sleeping next to him, but he could not feel him through their preparation bond. There was nothing. “James,” he whispered, looking around wildly before he saw the sleeping figure in the bed, covered to the nose-tip with his duvet.

Hurriedly Severus slipped back into bed, reaching for James, having to reassure himself that he was well. The touch stirred his friend from sleep and James turned around to face him. “Harry?”

With a jolt Severus jumped out of bed, unable to take his eyes off the sleeper’s face. It was not James, who looked back at him briefly, it was Severus own face. Only when he felt the wall behind him did he stop backing away. He shook his head in mute denial, a flash of movement next to him catching his attention. The face in the mirror...

...was his. He was Harry Potter. Scared, he ran his hands over his face, his heart beating painfully in his chest.

Deeply disturbed Harry tentatively stepped closer to the bed, guardedly watching a sleeping Severus search for something in the now empty bed. He watched as his lover’s hand pulled a pillow down and hugged it close to himself.

“What the-“, Harry hissed. Where had all that come from? That dream had been so real. It also matched closely what Albus had told him about the Mindguard ritual. However – he had experienced it out of Severus’ perspective. Why?

Harry closed his eyes, flashes of James face in front of his, his huge belly pressed close ran in front of his eyes as if the ritual was happening all over.

“The only ones present at the ritual were Severus, James and I. Severus can’t remember, I didn’t see anything out of the ordinary and James is dead.”

“Not true,” he whispered in answer to what Albus had said earlier that day. “That is not true.” Harry’s eyes were still closed, locked up in a bright memory. “I was there, too.”

Forcing his eyes to open Harry fled the bedroom, leaving Severus behind to get as much sleep as possible. There was something he had to look up.